Walk all over your ex! Valentine's Day, 2018
UPDATE: DEADLINE EXTENDED
We will now be accepting entries up until the 14th February, to be delivered by the end of February.
For Valentine’s Day 2018 Bompas & Parr presents the ultimate opportunity to get your own back on your ex, unrequited loves and the cruellest of heartbreakers and symbolically walk all over them.
To sooth the twangs of broken heart-strings, Bompas & Parr is offering the unique opportunity to send in a photo that can be printed on comfortable padded insoles that you can then cut to fit your favourite pair of shoes at £10 a pair.
Simply email a high resolution digital image that you have taken to firstname.lastname@example.org with your contact details, shoe size and – most crucially – a short description of who broke your heart and the emotional trauma you have experienced, to arrive no later than 14th February. Our in-house angst team will assess each of the entries and call back successful applicants to collect payment.
Inspired by artefacts on display in the Petrie Museum of Egyptian Archaeology, the anti-Valentine’s Day insoles are designed as a cathartic and cleansing mechanic to help cultivate emotional closure following the end of tumultuous relationships.
The Petrie’s collection includes two sandals, each boasting an image of a pink naked bearded enemy. Amid an Ancient Egyptian culture that was heavily preoccupied by superstition, the placement of a symbol of your enemy on the soles of your shoes represented a means to metaphorically subjugate and demean your enemy by literally treading them underfoot.
The sandals, made of cartonnage – a form of tightly-layered linen – date from the Greco-Roman Period in Egypt (c.305BC-395AD).
This methodology is now reclaimed for the 21st century, positioning jilted lovers on insoles to be pummelled and trampled in order to ease the troubles of broken hearts – and even ease the physical pain that can be associated with the sense of loss and stress associated with the end of relationships, however fleeting.
In addition to the symbolism, by encouraging exercise the insoles will also indirectly release ‘feel-good’ endorphins, dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin, which are proven to lower stress and a recommended activity at the end of relationships.
Buy your insoles for just £10 to combat emotional torment
Anna Garnett, curator at the Petrie Museum, said: “Ancient Egyptians believed that they could subjugate and demean their enemies by painting their bound figures onto the soles of their sandals so that they could literally, and metaphorically, tread on their image as they walked. The sandals in our collection beautifully illustrate this ancient Egyptian ‘cursing’ of their enemies, as a symbolic manifestation of dominance.”
Alix Fox, sex educator and co-presenter of BBC Radio 1’s upcoming sex comedy show Unexpected Fluids, said: “Exercising your way to exorcising your ex is a brilliant idea. If an old flame has rudely told you to jog on, pop Bompas & Parr’s insoles in your running shoes to literally help you move forward with your love life. This is a positive and humorous step to healing after you’ve been kicked to the kerb – or a great gift for a jilted mate.”
Diane Youdale, psychotherapist and former Gladiator, said metaphorically walking on your ex can be therapeutic in creating a mantra that helps you progress mentally: “As we once had souls side by side, I now walk on. As I once put your soul next to mine, I now walk on… jog on.”
Harry Parr, director of Bompas & Parr, said: "We’re getting real about Valentine’s Day and this year are siding with the sadness of those who are dreading the schmaltz of the season. The agony of a break-up is now recognised by scientists as being experienced like physical pain. By walking over the face of those who have wronged or upset you, these insoles offer a chance to redeem your own soul from the torture of the break-up, give yourself a psychological boost and ready yourself for the joy of your next relationship. The Ancient Egyptians clearly knew a thing or two about getting over it."